I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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