In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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