Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
