i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
