"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
