I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think people are normalizing furries
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
