this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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