Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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