I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
