they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
