Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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