id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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