On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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