O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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