she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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