you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
