i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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