You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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