So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
