why didn't you poke me back
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
