apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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