im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
