If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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