saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
