If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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