Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
