Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
