Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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