you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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