I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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