Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
