my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
