I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm at about main and main street
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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