well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
