U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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