I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
