somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
