If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
