Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
