Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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