I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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