i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
