Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
