I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
