just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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