Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
