It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
