A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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