do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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