it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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