Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
