my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
