I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
