If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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