I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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