it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
