Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
